I have never been one to really suffer with anxiety in the traditional sense. As a nurse I have seen firsthand the real affects it has on patients, with rapid heart rates and breathing, chest pain, the inability to stay focused, and the sense of impending doom. I don't have issues like that, but I do struggle with doubts. Doubts that overtake my mind and almost paralysis me to the point that I am not productive in reaching the goal I have before me. Over the past couple of weeks this has been an issue.

Today marks one month before my youth seminar on August 23rd and 24th. I have so many thoughts going through my head with only a month out. Do I have enough volunteers, am I marketing it well enough, will people show up, will my health hold up, how much food do I order, is this what God was wanting, am I good enough to deliver this message? All these thoughts that plague my mind I can't help but doubt if I am doing everything right.

Currently, I have my son Carson reading, The Screwtape Letter's, by C.S. Lewis. For those that have never read it, I highly encourage that you do so. It is an easy read in the sense the book is not long with only 172 pages. But the context is deep and shows a new prospective to the enemies' tactics. The book is a work of fiction written from the perspective of a demon writing a new demon on how they lure people away from God. All though the book is a work of fiction the tactics used are biblically sound. I bring this up because I was reminded how Satan uses distraction to draw us away from God in relationship, prayer, dependence, and obedience. C.S. Lewis writes,

" He (God) wants them (believers) to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand (Gods): and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's (God's) will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

What this passage is saying is that God only wants obedience from humanity. He is not looking for perfection, for God being omniscient knows we can never be perfect anyway, so even when we stumble in obedience He is still pleased because we are trying. A person who is obedient to God even in trail and tribulation, even when it looks like God has abandoned them is a danger to Satan, because they can't be shaken.

Along with being reminded of this tactic of how the real enemy wants to distract me from doing the will of God, I can't help but remember how God placed this calling on my heart. I was in my second to last class for my bachelor's degree in 2022, I had to present a message in front of a crowd. I came to the topic of truth after reading John 8:31-32

"Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

I knew this is what God wanted me to present. I began to work on this immediately. Six weeks into my eight- week course, I was nowhere near done with this message. I had only written a quarter of what the Holy Spirit was placing on my heart. I then knew I had to change to a different topic to turn in before my deadline. I was confused, and in prayer I asked God, why did He want me to put all this work into something that I would never turn in for a grade? It was in that moment the Holy Spirit spoke to me clear as day, "It was never about the grades, but rather the souls". I knew than that this was a message God wanted me to finish and speak publicly, not for A's or B's, but for others to know Him. Here we are two years later, and I am seeing this come to fruition.

In addition to the C.S. Lewis' passage ministering to me, as I was reading in my daily devotional last week the Lord placed something else on my heart. I was reading out of Acts 10. In this chapter Cornelius a Gentile believer is instructed by an angel of God to send his servants to call for Peter which is in a neighboring town to come to his home and Peter will give him a divine message. Cornelius is obedient and sends his servants out with the mission. The next day Peter is in the neighboring town in prayer and has a vision. After he had this vision, he is pondering the meaning of it and the Holy Spirit speaks to him, "Behold, three men are seeking you. Arise therefore, go down and go with them, doubting nothing; for I have sent them." This really resonated with me, for God had spoken to me and given me a mission, and although I don't know all the details, and the outcome, I am to doubt nothing, for he has sent me. This gave me much comfort that God has ordained this and even though I may stumble, all I have to focus on is being obedient to Him, and He will handle the rest.

I hope those that are reading this find comfort as well. That when God calls you to something lay aside your doubts and anxieties for if he calls you to it, He will pull you through it. I will ask for continued prayer over this event. If anyone has youth ages 12-18 that are interested in going, please hit the tab of "Upcoming Events", which has the information, topics, times, and registration link. Also, if you have enjoyed my blogs, please subscribe to this website and you will be updated every time I write a new blog. Thank you for your visit and have a blessed day.

Vedel Hoey